Book Review: The Danish Way of Parenting by Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Dissing Sandahl

As a mama still in her first year of motherhood, The Danish Way of Parenting struck a powerful chord in my heart. So much so that I own both the hard copy and the audiobook. It’s become one of those “mark it up, listen again, quote often” kind of reads. This isn’t just another parenting book that tosses out abstract theories. It’s practical, nurturing, deeply grounded, and refreshing—a blend of centuries-old Danish wisdom and modern parenting psychology.

The authors explore why Danish children consistently rank as some of the happiest in the world, offering timeless insight into a style of parenting that values connection, freedom, structure, and emotional intelligence. At the heart of this book is the acronym P.A.R.E.N.T., which stands for:

• Play — Encouraging imaginative, unstructured exploration as essential to development.

• Authenticity — Valuing truth in emotions, modeling emotional regulation.

• Reframing — Teaching children to see challenges as opportunities for growth.

• Empathy — Prioritizing compassionate connection and emotional literacy.

• No Ultimatums — Replacing control with cooperation and mutual respect.

• Togetherness (Hygge) — Cultivating family bonding through presence and simplicity.

Each section offers profound insight into how we, as parents, can raise happy, secure, kind, and resilient children. In this review, I’ll walk through each principle of the P.A.R.E.N.T. model, weaving in my own experiences, reactions, and how this book has shaped the way I mother my daughter. I’ll also touch on the four core parenting styles discussed in the book and why I personally resonate with the authoritative model.

P is for Play: The Foundation of Happy Kids

The chapter on Play is where I found myself nodding in agreement, audibly saying “Yes!” in the car as I listened to the audiobook. In Denmark, free play isn’t a luxury - it’s a necessity. It’s how children learn to regulate, create, solve problems, and build emotional resilience. And yet, here in the United States, we’ve practically declared war on play.

According to a study cited by the AFT, public schools report a meager 20–30 minutes of recess per day. When we take away play, we rob children of essential developmental tools. Play fosters imagination, social skills, confidence, and resilience.

I think back to my own childhood - a ‘90s kid experience. We were outside constantly: climbing trees, building forts, splashing in creeks, and riding our bikes from one friend's house to another. We scraped our knees, got muddy, and returned home with stories. These weren’t distractions from learning; they were learning!

In contrast, kids today are indoors more than ever, often glued to screens and tightly scheduled activities. The Danish Way of Parenting reminded me that it doesn’t have to be this way. Play is sacred. It is learning. It is life.

So now, when my daughter is crawling across the yard chasing a leaf or chewing on a blade of grass, I don’t rush her. I watch. I marvel. I protect the sacred space of her play because I know it’s doing invisible, profound work in her heart and mind.

A is for Authenticity: Teaching Emotional Truth

The second value, Authenticity, was more challenging for me to embrace fully, probably because emotional regulation is something I’m still learning myself. But this chapter was healing. It reminded me that as parents, we don’t have to be perfect - we just have to be honest.

Danish parents encourage children to feel what they feel. They don’t shame big emotions. They sit with their kids in the storm, offering tools and presence to help them make sense of it all. “You’re too much” or “Stop crying” has no place in this parenting style. Instead, they help children identify, accept, and navigate their emotions.

This resonated deeply with me. I’m learning to say things like, “I can see you’re upset. It’s okay to be sad,” and “Let’s take a deep breath together.” I’ve learned that kids can’t self-regulate until around age five, so those early years are all about co-regulation.

When I name my own emotions out loud and model how to work through them, I teach my daughter that emotions aren’t scary or shameful - they’re part of being human.

R is for Reframing: Shaping Perspective

Reframing is one of those tools that seems simple but is truly transformative. It’s about choosing to see situations differently - to look for meaning, growth, and even joy in challenges. For children, this is a crucial skill that builds grit and resilience.

I’ve seen firsthand how reframing changes everything. When my daughter is frustrated because a toy doesn’t work the way she expects, instead of swooping in to “fix” it, I pause. I might say, “That’s tricky, huh? Let’s figure it out together,” or “I see you’re working so hard!” This allows her to stay engaged and to learn that effort, not perfection, is what matters.

This echoes another favorite parenting book of mine, Bringing Up Bébé, where the French encourage “the pause” to let babies and kids try before stepping in. Resilience grows in these little moments.

Reframing isn’t just about positive thinking - it’s about seeing the bigger picture. It’s choosing to see the boundary-pushing toddler not as defiant, but as curious and brave. It’s seeing the messy living room as a sign of imagination and engagement. Reframing gives kids the cognitive flexibility to thrive in a world that won’t always go their way.

E is for Empathy: Cultivating Compassion

Before I became a mother, I struggled with empathy. I had walls. But becoming a mama cracked me open in the best way. Suddenly, I could feel my daughter’s emotions so intensely. I wanted to absorb her pain, ease her discomfort, celebrate her joys. That shift opened the door for me to extend empathy to others as well, slowly, imperfectly.

The book emphasizes that empathetic kids form stronger relationships and are more emotionally balanced. Research supports this, showing that empathy helps reduce bullying and improves emotional regulation.

Practicing empathy means listening more than talking. It means pausing instead of reacting. It’s not about fixing a child’s problem but sitting with them in their experience and saying, “I hear you. That’s hard.”

We build empathetic children by modeling empathy ourselves - when we speak kindly to strangers, when we talk about others with compassion, when we show grace to our partners and friends. Children are always watching.

N is for No Ultimatums: Avoiding Power Struggles

This was a game-changer for me. We’ve all been there: “If you don’t put on your shoes right now, we’re not going!” But these power struggles rarely work. They damage trust, escalate conflict, and lead to rigid, anxious dynamics.

Danish parents avoid ultimatums and instead use dialogue, connection, and cooperation. They view children as equals in the relationship, developing, yes, but still worthy of respect. When a toddler resists something, it’s not rebellion, it’s communication. Instead of forcing obedience, they invite cooperation.

I loved the Danish reframe of the “Terrible Twos” as “the boundary-pushing stage.” It’s not bad - it’s natural. It’s learning. When my daughter starts testing limits, I try to stay calm and curious: “You really want to keep playing. I understand. We’ll come back to this later.” And then I offer a transition.

It’s not always easy, but I’ve seen how my daughter responds differently when I offer choices and connection rather than commands. No ultimatums = no power struggles. Just trust, patience, and steady leadership. That doesn’t mean there won’t ever be temper tantrums, but we’ve now removed a huge area where power struggles used to occur.

T is for Togetherness (Hygge): Creating Belonging

Ah, Hygge. That warm, cozy, safe feeling of being with people who love you. This part of the book felt like a hug. It reminded me of my own childhood - the large family gatherings, the Fourth of July barbecues at the lake, the annual family reunion in Maine, the simple magic of being together. These are some of the best memories of mine and this is where I want to create space for my daughter to have the opportunity to make similar memories of her own.

Hygge isn’t about perfection. It’s about intentional connection - meals without distractions, traditions that center presence, creating rhythms of togetherness. It’s a value I want to build deeply into my family.

We often worry about over-scheduling, but sometimes we overlook the power of slow, simple moments: lighting a candle at dinner, playing a board game, sharing stories from the day. These moments root children in a sense of belonging and love.

The book suggests setting boundaries for hygge spaces - no political arguments, no tech, just warmth. I love this. It’s not about ignoring real issues - it’s about protecting sacred space so children have room to grow and bond with their family.

The Joy of Outdoor Play: Wild and Free

If there’s one place Danish parenting shines, it’s in their commitment to outdoor play. Rain, snow, sun - it doesn’t matter. Danish children are outside. Nature is their classroom, their gym, their therapist, their playground.

As someone who is passionate about non-toxic, simple living, I’ve always felt drawn to outdoor life. We take walks every day. I let my daughter crawl in the grass, touch trees, feel the wind on her cheeks. There’s a magic in nature that soothes both of us. This book reaffirmed that the more time we spend outside, the better.

Outdoor play builds confidence. It allows risky play - yes, risky play! Climbing, jumping, rolling down hills - these experiences teach body awareness, decision-making, and courage. And perhaps most importantly, they foster a love for the world God made. And just because you’re giving your child the opportunity to play, doesn’t mean that you have to play with them. I often will lay out a blanket for my daughter to crawl around and I’ll lie out with her while reading a book as she crawls are around the blanket and then ventures off into the grass to explore flowers, weeds, acorns, pinecones, and dirt. She observes so much and is so curious and by allowing her to go on her own pace, I get to see what is really drawing her attention as opposed to what I place in front of her. She has such wonder for the outdoors and it is such a blessing to see her explore God’s creation.

Final Thoughts: Why I Choose the Authoritative Path

The book also touches on four common parenting styles:

• Authoritarian — High in control but low in warmth. These parents expect strict obedience and often use punishment rather than reasoning. Children raised under this style may follow rules but can struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, or resentment.

• Permissive — High in warmth but low in boundaries. These parents are indulgent, often avoiding conflict and giving in to children's desires. While their kids may feel loved, they may also lack discipline, struggle with limits, and have difficulty handling frustration.

• Uninvolved — Low in both warmth and structure. These parents are often disengaged, either due to external stressors or a lack of interest in parenting. This style can lead to attachment issues, emotional withdrawal, and poor academic and social outcomes.

• Authoritative — The balanced model: high in warmth and high in structure. These parents set clear boundaries while maintaining emotional attunement and respect. Research shows this style consistently leads to the healthiest outcomes - confident, emotionally regulated, socially capable children.

The authoritative model is where my heart landed. It aligns so well with my values. It provides structure and boundaries, but also freedom and empathy. It’s the sweet spot - the guiding hand with the open heart. It’s consistent with how I want to raise my daughter: with love, clarity, and respect.

I don’t always get it right. None of us do. But books like The Danish Way of Parenting help us re-center. They offer a compass when we feel lost. They remind us that parenting isn’t about raising perfect children - it’s about raising whole humans.

So if you’re a mama who longs for connection, joy, simplicity, and a deep trust in the parenting journey, I can’t recommend this book enough. It’s one I’ll return to again and again, and I hope you will too.

👉 You can find the book here on Amazon.

Let me know if you read it - I’d love to hear your reflections, mama.

With warmth and wild grace,

The Untamed Mama

📚 Want More Thoughtful Reads for Motherhood + Home?

If The Danish Way of Parenting inspired you as much as it did me, you’ll love the curated book lists I’ve created with intention, love, and a heart for lifelong learning:

• 💛 Books for Kids – Beautiful, meaningful stories that nurture character, wonder, and joy.

• 🏡 Homeschooling Books – From gentle philosophies to practical guides, these are the reads that have helped me create a rich learning environment at home.

• 🌿 Parenting + Homemaking Books – For cultivating a home full of peace, purpose, and grace.

I hope you find something that speaks to your heart and supports your journey!